(COVINGTON, La.) — Bro. Ray Bulliard, FSC, shocked the entire community of St. Paul’s School today, announcing that he will step down as president at the conclusion of the school year. Bulliard will be remembered for his genuine kindness, sincere devotion to his work, and his mastery of the five core principles. He claims that he will be stepping down due to the lack of State Literary Rally qualifiers.
“The Board of Trustees, which hires me, made it very clear that keeping my job depended upon SPS having at least 20 state rally qualifiers,” Bulliard said. “We only had 19. Even though we had the highest percentage of state qualifiers of any area school, the Board wasn’t satisfied, so now the Trustees are looking for a new president who can ‘deliver the goods.’ If only those guys who didn’t show up for rally had attended, we might have reached 20.”
Bulliard took the news in stride.
“Oh, well,” Bulliard said. “I’ve had a great time as the 17th Christian Brother President of St. Paul’s School!”
Rumors are flurrying about who will replace Bulliard. While many may be quick to expect Principal Trevor Watkins to assume the role, many students remain unsure.
“Brother Ken (Boesch) would make a good replacement (for him),” junior Parker Layman said. “He knows what’s up.”
Senior Jack Dubreuil agrees with Layman’s sentiment.
“Although we’ll all be devastated to see Brother Ray leave, Brother Ken will definitely be as good of a replacement as we can hope for,” Dubreuil said. “You can tell by the firmness of his handshake that he has what it takes to run the school. He also has extensive experience in business administration — his self-titled brand of computer printers, Brother, has supplied St. Paul’s with free products since the late 1800s — and I trust him implicitly to keep us heading in the right financial direction.”
Senior Max Gold feels like another luminary in campus could take the spot: Public Relations Director, Karen Hebert.
“She always gets the job done when she takes pictures,” Gold says. “That same ability would transfer to the (president’s) office.”
George Cazenavette, another senior, thinks Spanish teacher William Nunez would make a “fiery” replacement.
“He’s always the first to know when the night is over,” Cazenavette said, “Señor would be ready for school before Mrs. Cullen even woke up.”
The Board of Trustees, led by the ghost of Connor Mahoney, will reach their conclusion on the 32nd of the month.
Even though Bro. Ray is not ACTUALLY stepping down, and this article was strictly written as an April Fools’ joke, it’s nice to know the school has various directions in which it could go, should Bro. Ray truly decide to step down, and that you cared enough to read to the very end.