Eighth Grader Who Cried Wolf

(COVINGTON, La.) — School spirit comes alive as students report seeing a living, white wolf on campus. “This wasn’t like that stuffed puppy of an wolf in that glass case in the new gym! I thought I was going crazy because one night after practice I saw a humongous white wolf trotting around the buildings, disappearing into bushes in one spot and exiting bushes halfway across campus. I never figured out where it went because then Brother Ray showed up and talked with me until my dad picked me up.” said eighth grader Elias Ancar. This account, initially reported around September 14th, was the only one of its kind until another eighth grader came into counseling stricken with fear after spotting the elusive enigma. 

A scared eighth grader begs Brother Ray for mercy after using incorrect grammar. (Photo Credit: Clayton Dunavant) 

The beast isn’t just haunting underclassmen; Brother Jerry Vincent claims to have found dog tracks all over the retired Brother’s Community, “Finding dog tracks outside is pretty normal, but finding muddy paw prints in the Retired Brother’s Community got my attention!” What baffled Brother Jerry even more, though, is that he can’t figure out how to stop whatever is leaving said tracks. “I’ve locked countless doors and even left one or two booby traps rigged with dog treats, but still, nothing. If I start finding chewed up shoes I’m calling animal control!” 

The questions Brother Jerry is asking are the questions that everyone should be asking: how does this creature get into the Brother’s Residence? Only something with knowledge of the residence and opposable thumbs would be able to get in, but what has opposable thumbs and chews shoes? This something could be a someone, but that would imply shapeshifting- lunacy! Absolute lunacy! How does it appear to teleport across campus? Dogs are known for loving to dig, but would it be possible for one to dig a tunnel into the Brother’s Residence? And if the Brother’s Residence isn’t safe, then what’s stopping this creature from tunneling under any school building?

President of the school, Brother Ray Bulliard, FSC, commented on these concerns. “Wolves? That is just the overactive imagination of our student body. Those tales are all bark and no bite,” he said, pausing to scratch behind his ear. “Monsters and creatures are just fairytales. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to use the restroom. Happy Halloween!” He said before walking off in the direction of a fire hydrant. 

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