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<p>Satirical news regarding St. Paul’s campus, administration, and the world around us.</p>

[satire] CRY WOLF: St. Paul’s Student Devastated to Realize There’s Still 50 Minutes Left of Class

Cry Wolf Satirical News (COVINGTON, La.) The four block, 90-minute class schedule St. Paul’s operates under has given students a very unique relationship with the clock.  A St. Paul’s student was reportedly devastated to realize there was still 50 minutes left of class yesterday (May 9). Sources say sophomore Tyrone Peters was horrified after looking […]

[satire] CRY WOLF: Josh Rovira Under Investigation for Colluding with Jesuit during Student Council Election

Cry Wolf Satirical News. (COVINGTON, La.) An investigation has been opened into newly-elected St. Paul’s Student Council President Josh Rovira for colluding with the Jesuit High School Student Council during the recent 2018 St. Paul’s Student Council election. The investigation into Rovira and his campaign team was opened after it was discovered that the Jesuit […]

[satire] CRY WOLF: Teacher Trying to Actually Teach During Last Period on a Friday Clearly Delusional

Cry Wolf satirical news. (COVINGTON, La.) A teacher who was actually trying to teach her class during the last period of school on a Friday is clearly delusional, according to multiple concerned sources. Students say Janice Bell, a Geometry teacher, has “definitely gone off the deep end” after she attempted to run a productive class […]

CRY WOLF (satire): New Report Shows Fortnite Responsible for More St. Paul’s Student Brotherhood Than All Retreats Combined

(Cry Wolf Satirical News) Popular video game Fortnite: Battle Royale is responsible for creating stronger brotherhood among St. Paul’s students than all St. Paul’s retreats combined, according to a new report released yesterday by Louisiana State University. Fortnite: Battle Royale (often shortened to just Fortnite), is an online multiplayer game where 100 players are dropped onto […]

[satire] CRY WOLF: Coach Pierre Accidentally Breaks Eighth Grader’s Hand During Handshake

Cry Wolf Satirical News. (COVINGTON, La.) According to several sources, St. Paul’s football coach and science teacher Lee Pierre accidentally broke a student’s hand while giving him a handshake yesterday morning. The student, 8th grader Tim Sortino, was taken to the emergency room after the cordial greeting went terribly wrong. “Hello, how are you?” Pierre, […]

[satire] CRY WOLF: High School Football Player Accidentally Sets Highlight Tape to Smooth Jazz

Cry Wolf satirical news. (ANYTOWN, Texas) In what some are calling the “blunder of the year,” a high school football player has reportedly accidentally set his end-of-the-season highlight tape to smooth jazz music. Sources say 6’3″, 220 lb junior linebacker and former five-star recruit Justin Salting is devastated after attempting to make the background song […]

CRY WOLF: St. Paul’s Student Uses Ladder to Get Out of Lifted Truck [satire]

Cry Wolf Satirical News. (COVINGTON, La.) A St. Paul’s student used a ladder to get out of his lifted truck this morning, according to extremely impressed sources. The student, senior Chad Sweatshirt, was seen utilizing a large extension ladder to climb down from the driver’s side door of his truck, a 2029 Chevrolet Annihilator.    “Safety […]

CRY WOLF: Watkins Seen Frantically Blow Drying Roads Around SPS in Attempt to Keep School Open [satire]

Cry Wolf Satirical News (COVINGTON, La.)  St. Paul’s School Principal Trevor Watkins has reportedly been spotted frantically blow drying the roads around SPS. Utilizing a long series of extension cords, Watkins was seen today (Jan. 17) attempting to melt all of the ice from the roads in an apparent attempt to ensure St. Paul’s School […]