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<p>Satirical news regarding St. Paul’s campus, administration, and the world around us.</p>

CRY WOLF: Sears Forgets to Turn Off Wolf TV Camera, Eats Bowl of Cereal Live on Air

Cry Wolf satirical news. (COVINGTON, La.) The entire school watched in confusion and awe Wednesday morning (Nov. 1) as Dean of Students Ken Sears ate a bowl of cereal live on Wolf TV, the school’s closed-circuit announcement system, for over 10 minutes after forgetting to turn off the record button following daily morning announcements. Sears […]

CRY WOLF: Exclusive University Claims ‘1% Acceptance Rate is Simply too High’

Cry Wolf satirical news (Guest Columnist). (FALL RIVER, Ma.) Witherson University, a college in the prestigious and highly selective IV league, is giving their admissions process a complete overhaul. Changes to the application schedule, admissions requirements, and selection methodology will make the application process easier for many students, according to admissions director Samina Vazquez. “We […]

CRY WOLF: LA DOTD Announces New 17-Year Construction Project to Widen LA 21 to 14 Lanes

[Cry Wolf Satirical News] (COVINGTON, La.) The Louisiana Department of Transportation and Development (DOTD) has announced a new 17-year construction project to widen a section of Louisiana Highway 21 in Covington to 14 lanes, according to multiple sources. The project, which will widen the section of LA 21 from Bootlegger Road to 11th Avenue, is […]

Wise, All-Knowing Prophet Tells Freshmen that High School Goes by Really Fast

Cry Wolf Satirical News (COVINGTON, La)  A sage prophet told a group of mesmerized freshmen Tuesday (Aug. 29) that high school goes by really fast, according to multiple mind-blown sources. “You have to cherish your time now,” said the oracle, 17-year-old senior Nathan Mace, as he generously conferred his wisdom upon some underclassmen. “Before you […]

Cry Wolf: Health-Conscious Mosquito Only Bites Gluten-Free People

[Cry Wolf Satirical News] (WHOLE FOODS – MANDEVILLE, La.) Buzzing about what a great lifestyle change it was, a health-conscious mosquito has started only biting gluten-free people, sources confirmed Wednesday (April 19). Following a recently popular fad in the mosquito community, the winged insect has reportedly started only biting and sucking the blood exclusively of […]

CRY WOLF: Student to Vote for Student Council Candidate Who Makes Better Empty Promises

Cry Wolf satirical news. (COVINGTON, La.) — Regarding the upcoming Student Council election, a St. Paul’s student has decided he will vote for the student council candidate that makes better empty promises, sources confirmed Wednesday (April 5). Reports say that sophomore Brian Deck’s vote will be won by the quality of promises that will never […]