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[satire] CRY WOLF: Coach Pierre Accidentally Breaks Eighth Grader’s Hand During Handshake

Cry Wolf Satirical News. (COVINGTON, La.) According to several sources, St. Paul’s football coach and science teacher Lee Pierre accidentally broke a student’s hand while giving him a handshake yesterday morning. The student, 8th grader Tim Sortino, was taken to the emergency room after the cordial greeting went terribly wrong. “Hello, how are you?” Pierre, […]

[satire] CRY WOLF: High School Football Player Accidentally Sets Highlight Tape to Smooth Jazz

Cry Wolf satirical news. (ANYTOWN, Texas) In what some are calling the “blunder of the year,” a high school football player has reportedly accidentally set his end-of-the-season highlight tape to smooth jazz music. Sources say 6’3″, 220 lb junior linebacker and former five-star recruit Justin Salting is devastated after attempting to make the background song […]

CRY WOLF: St. Paul’s Student Uses Ladder to Get Out of Lifted Truck [satire]

Cry Wolf Satirical News. (COVINGTON, La.) A St. Paul’s student used a ladder to get out of his lifted truck this morning, according to extremely impressed sources. The student, senior Chad Sweatshirt, was seen utilizing a large extension ladder to climb down from the driver’s side door of his truck, a 2029 Chevrolet Annihilator.    “Safety […]

CRY WOLF: Watkins Seen Frantically Blow Drying Roads Around SPS in Attempt to Keep School Open [satire]

Cry Wolf Satirical News (COVINGTON, La.)  St. Paul’s School Principal Trevor Watkins has reportedly been spotted frantically blow drying the roads around SPS. Utilizing a long series of extension cords, Watkins was seen today (Jan. 17) attempting to melt all of the ice from the roads in an apparent attempt to ensure St. Paul’s School […]

CRY WOLF: Food Bank Forecloses on Gingerbread House [satire]

Cry Wolf Satirical News. (COVINGTON, La.) The Northshore Food Bank has reportedly foreclosed on a gingerbread house, according to sources. The food bank moved to foreclose on the 32-square-inch home yesterday (Dec. 20) after the gingerbread homeowners, Bob and Susan Gumdrop, failed to make four consecutive mortgage payments. “We’ve given the homeowners plenty of time […]

CRY WOLF: Sears Forgets to Turn Off Wolf TV Camera, Eats Bowl of Cereal Live on Air

Cry Wolf satirical news. (COVINGTON, La.) The entire school watched in confusion and awe Wednesday morning (Nov. 1) as Dean of Students Ken Sears ate a bowl of cereal live on Wolf TV, the school’s closed-circuit announcement system, for over 10 minutes after forgetting to turn off the record button following daily morning announcements. Sears […]

CRY WOLF: Exclusive University Claims ‘1% Acceptance Rate is Simply too High’

Cry Wolf satirical news (Guest Columnist). (FALL RIVER, Ma.) Witherson University, a college in the prestigious and highly selective IV league, is giving their admissions process a complete overhaul. Changes to the application schedule, admissions requirements, and selection methodology will make the application process easier for many students, according to admissions director Samina Vazquez. “We […]

CRY WOLF: LA DOTD Announces New 17-Year Construction Project to Widen LA 21 to 14 Lanes

[Cry Wolf Satirical News] (COVINGTON, La.) The Louisiana Department of Transportation and Development (DOTD) has announced a new 17-year construction project to widen a section of Louisiana Highway 21 in Covington to 14 lanes, according to multiple sources. The project, which will widen the section of LA 21 from Bootlegger Road to 11th Avenue, is […]