(satire) Pre-Freshman Snatches Microphone from Brother Ray Bulliard, FSC During President’s Assembly

Saint Paul’s School held its inaugural president’s assembly of the 2022-23 school year on August 9th. Per tradition, the new pre-freshman class was welcomed into the new gym with an incredible standing ovation from the rest of the student body.

While most of the pre-freshmen filed in, bright-eyed pre-freshman CeeJay TeeJay paced toward Brother Ray and snatched his microphone, to the bewilderment of the rest of the school.

TeeJay proceeded to make an impromptu thank you address for the standing ovation the Class of 2027 had just received.

After about a minute-long speech, TeeJay was met with uproarious applause and cheers as if Saint Paul’s had won another Blue Ribbon.

When asked about his reaction to the surprising event, Saint Paul’s junior, Robert “Apple Juice” Jackson II., exclaimed, “I was shocked by the chutzpah of TeeJay to speak to a packed gymnasium of his peers before he had even met them.”

Similarly, senior Seth Gobatron declared, “I give TeeJay tons of respect. When I had to light the candle at the beginning of an assembly last year, I felt my legs trembling as I fumbled with the lighter and embarrassed myself in front of my 900 brothers.”

This act of thanksgiving and courage by CeeJay Teejay will be a story for Saint Paul’s students to pass down for generations.

Meanwhile, Brother Ray is contemplating whether or not to continue the tradition of giving a standing ovation to pre-freshman.

Teejay giving his riveting speech


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