[satire] Saint Paul’s Student Council President Overthrown in Coup D’état

On the faithful Wednesday of October 5th, Saint Paul’s School stood witness to the forced removal of Student Council President Christian Caesar.

While many may think of student council as a fairly stress-free club that simply runs pep rallies, the club experienced a massive power struggle that began during the 2022-23 school year.

Caesar incited the power struggle by declaring himself as president for life. “I clearly know what is best for this school, and I have graciously decided to continue serving my peers as the student body president for the rest of my life.”

This comment enraged the rest of the student council.

Immediately after the comment was made, rumblings echoed through the school of Caesar’s possible fate in the student council. Many theories sprung up about how Caesar would be overthrown. From an impeachment trial to hiding Caesar’s car keys so he could not drive himself to school, the rumor mill whirled with possible scenarios.

On the day of removal, a mob broke into Caesar’s period F Physics class. They carried him out of class as he kicked and screamed of how unfair this event was. The group continued carrying Caesar all the way to the edge of Saint Paul’s campus. After they threw Caesar through the arch, Caesar looked up to see his own vice president, Saint Paul’s junior, John Brutus. Brutus handed Caesar a note, stating “Do not come back to Saint Paul’s, or else.” Caesar could only muster up one response. “Et tu Bruté?”

While the student council rejoiced for a short period of time, the administration was not happy with the whole ordeal. They swiftly reinstated Caesar as student council president and gave a Saturday School to every member of the student council who participated in the coup.

While the coup’s end goal may not have been accomplished, the legacy of that day will forever live on.

Student Council President Christian Caesar declares himself President for Life

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