Tyler’s Oscar Rant


This year, the 88th annual Academy Awards were the equivalent to Oscar the Grouch of Sesame Street; both belong in trash cans. The Oscars this year were almost unwatchable, which could account for its viewership being the third lowest in its history.

First of all, Chris Rock wasn’t a great host. He had a strong start, firing punchline followed by punchline, but unfortunately, towards the end, I almost felt obligated to laugh just because my favorite show is “Everybody Hates Chris.” Rock proved that he and his “comedian” pals are just getting old; the day any of them star in a movie that doesn’t make me want to start an old-fashioned pitchfork mob, call me.

Constant jokes pointing out the African American ratio to whites got old quick. It was the same as when you fail a test but your teacher writes an obnoxiously sized red “F” right on the middle of the page…I think we get it.  Michael B. Jordan, Will Smith, “Beasts of No Nation,” and, of course, “Straight Outta Compton” deserved to be nominated, and that tops a list of things that I hold against the Academy, but the overreaction seemed more like a publicity stunt than anything else.

Louis C.K. proved to the world that he could be a presenter that could keep me glued to the TV instead of one that would make me put it on mute and make me do my homework for once. In four minutes, C.K. made me cry from laughter just from presenting nominees. If the Oscars want a comeback, I think Louis can give them just that.

Another issue is that there are too many award categories. The only awards that should be given are Best Supporting Actor and Actress, Best Actor and Actress, Best Documentary, and Best Picture. Let’s be honest here: “Mad Max: Fury Road” won more than half of the awards they were nominated for, and I can’t name a single one. You know why? I’ll tell you why.  It doesn’t matter what you win if it’s not best picture. The film might as well change the name to “Sad Max: Lonely Road.”

Don’t get me started on the Supporting Actor award upset. I can’t take anything away from Mark Rylance due to the fact that I did not watch “Bridge of Spies” or even know it was a movie. Stallone was actually deserving of the award, especially since we will never see another performance from him like the one in “Creed” again; this was his chance to erase all of “The Expendables” movies from existence.

I do agree with the Best Actress and Best Actor selections. Brie Larson is the woman equivalent to Leonardo Dicaprio, except it didn’t take her six times to go home with the prestigious award. Let’s get this straight: Leo is number one when it comes to getting robbed by the Academy, but he finally took home the hardware this year.  Now that we are done congratulating him, let’s talk about the speech. I was behind him 100%, especially since he was looking right into Joe Biden’s soul while going on about global warming. Then I realized something: what can I do that he can’t? The man has got millions of dollars, but rather than fight global warming, he’s buying expensive hybrid vehicles. I don’t think that’s really helping much.

Well, enough of that; until next year, I would like to thank the Academy for wasting my time.



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