Cry Wolf satirical news.
(COVINGTON, La.) The entire school watched in confusion and awe Wednesday morning (Nov. 1) as Dean of Students Ken Sears ate a bowl of cereal live on Wolf TV, the school’s closed-circuit announcement system, for over 10 minutes after forgetting to turn off the record button following daily morning announcements.
Sears reportedly ate the cereal Wheaties, also known as “The Breakfast of Champions,” in complete silence while maintaining a blank expression, according to several dumbfounded sources.
“Have a great day, St. Paul’s,” Sears said, before casually pulling the full bowl of cereal out of a desk drawer and proceeding to eat it over a 10 minute period that was described by one onlooker as “the most baffling 600 seconds of my life.”
Senior Peter Day explained what was going through his mind during the ordeal.
“The first couple minutes were pure confusion. I couldn’t wrap my mind around what I was witnessing,” Day said. “Then, around five minutes in, I started speculating. Could he be trying to send us some kind of message? Does the cereal represent something greater? Finally, the last couple minutes were marked by a quiet acceptance.”
Some people are asking how Sears was able to start and completely finish a bowl of Wheaties without anyone notifying him that he left the camera on.
“I wanted to go and tell him the camera was still on, but I simply couldn’t look away,” School Secretary Claire Coutrado said. “I can’t explain it. I was just frozen. I was transfixed.”
The event, which has been dubbed, “The Cereal Incident,” has spurred many questions among students and faculty alike.
“Why did he have the bowl of Wheaties in his desk drawer?” junior Max Cowinner asked. “Who keeps a full bowl of cereal in a desk drawer? Wouldn’t the milk get warm and the cereal soggy? Does he have other breakfast items in his other drawers? I demand answers.”
When asked for comment regarding this strange occurrence, Sears simply said, “I have no idea what you are talking about.”