[satire] CRY WOLF: Dad Immediately Wrecks Car After Son Turns on Back-seat Light
Cry Wolf Satirical News (COVINGTON, La) — A Covington dad wrecked his car last night after his 11-year-old son perilously turned on a back-seat interior light despite the fact that it was dark outside. The man, identified as 45-year-old Bob Salinger, was reportedly taking a leisurely nighttime drive down Lee Rd. with his family when […]
[satire] CRY WOLF: LSU Hires Translator for Coach O
Cry Wolf Satirical News (BATON ROGUE) In order to translate everything he says into English, Louisiana State University has hired an official translator for head football coach Ed Orgeron, university officials confirmed yesterday. “We are very excited to announce this news. This is long overdue,” LSU officials said. “An official Coach Translator will be an […]
[satire] CRY WOLF: Pampered SPS Students Can’t Believe They Only Have Two Day Weekend
Cry Wolf Satirical News Note: St. Paul’s School has had an unusual number of school days cancelled this school year due to an assortment of factors, such as hurricanes and school holidays. These days off have resulted in many extended weekends where students have Friday or Monday off. (COVINGTON, La.) According to multiple incredulous sources, […]
[satire] CRY WOLF: ‘Someone Else Will Pick Up That Trash’ Assume 900 Students
Cry Wolf Satirical News (COVINGTON, La.) Walking past various pieces of litter at the end of lunch Wednesday, all 900 plus students that comprise the St. Paul’s student body assumed that “someone else will pick that up.” According to multiple sources, 900 different St. Paul’s students all didn’t feel the need to pick up the […]
[satire] CRY WOLF: Watkins Institutes New 36 Block Schedule To Make Up For Missed School Days
Cry Wolf Satirical News (COVINGTON, La.) To make up for school days in which St. Paul’s School was closed due to events like Hurricane Gordon or the Christian Brothers 100th anniversary holiday, Principal Trevor Watkins has instituted a new 36 block schedule effective immediately. “Starting tomorrow and continuing until our school gets back on track, […]
[satire] CRY WOLF: New Benilde Bathroom Already Smells Terrible
Cry Wolf Satirical News Note: The old Benilde Hall contained a restroom that was notorious for its horrible smell and general uncleanliness. (COVINGTON, La.) The bathroom of the newly renovated Benilde Hall already smells terrible, according to numerous disgusted sources. Students and faculty alike have expressed confusion as to how the brand-new bathroom, which came […]
[satire] CRY WOLF: Couple Who Is Bad at Saying ‘No’ Buy 17th Cutco Knife Set
Cry Wolf Satirical News. Note: Cutco is a high-end knife selling company known for hiring high school and college students to sell its products. The students are paid on commission and are often encouraged to try selling to friends and family. (MANDEVILLE, La.) A Northshore couple who are bad at saying “no” have just […]
[satire] CRY WOLF: St. Paul’s Student Joins Gang, Falls Into Life of Crime After Hair Gets Too Long
Cry Wolf Satirical News (COVINGTON, La.) St. Paul’s School is well-known for its haircut policy requiring any student whose hair grows past a certain length to cut it, as well as shave any facial hair they have, or face disciplinary action. A St. Paul’s student has reportedly joined a gang and fallen into a […]
[satire] CRY WOLF: St. Paul’s Student Devastated to Realize There’s Still 50 Minutes Left of Class
Cry Wolf Satirical News (COVINGTON, La.) The four block, 90-minute class schedule St. Paul’s operates under has given students a very unique relationship with the clock. A St. Paul’s student was reportedly devastated to realize there was still 50 minutes left of class yesterday (May 9). Sources say sophomore Tyrone Peters was horrified after looking […]
