[satire] CRY WOLF: Sleeveless, Baseball Bat-Wielding Watkins Standing Guard Outside Main School Building to Prevent Senior Prank
Cry Wolf Satirical News Note: Today (Friday, May 3) is the seniors last day of school, and they have been warned by the St. Paul’s administration not to pull a prank. __________________________________________________________________________ (COVINGTON, La.) — Gripping a baseball bat and clad in a sleeveless shirt and jeans, Principal Watkins stood outside the main school building to […]
[satire] CRY WOLF: Soccer Team to Melt Down All 10 State Championship Trophies Into 15 Foot Statue of Sean Moser
Cry Wolf Satirical News (COVINGTON, La.) Fresh off its 3-0 state championship victory over Jesuit High School Saturday night, the St. Paul’s Varsity soccer team has decided to melt all 10 of its Louisiana state championship trophies to create a 15 foot statue of head coach Sean Moser. “After careful consideration and a long talk […]
[satire] CRY WOLF: CDC Called in to Combat Outbreak of Senioritis
Cry Wolf Satirical News (COVINGTON, La.) St. Paul’s School has called in the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) to combat a grade-wide outbreak of Senioritis, according to the school administration. While there have been some reported cases of Senioritis within the St. Paul’s current senior class dating back to August, the disease did […]
[satire] CRY WOLF: Planet Fitness Offering Realistic New Year’s Membership that Expires After Two Weeks
Cry Wolf Satirical News (HAMPTON, Nh.) National fitness gym franchise Planet Fitness is now offering prospective gym members a realistic New Year’s membership that automatically expires after two weeks, according to a statement released Tuesday by the company. “Here at Planet Fitness, we are all about inclusion,” the statement read. “So we thought it was […]
[satire] CRY WOLF: Dad Immediately Wrecks Car After Son Turns on Back-seat Light
Cry Wolf Satirical News (COVINGTON, La) — A Covington dad wrecked his car last night after his 11-year-old son perilously turned on a back-seat interior light despite the fact that it was dark outside. The man, identified as 45-year-old Bob Salinger, was reportedly taking a leisurely nighttime drive down Lee Rd. with his family when […]
[satire] CRY WOLF: LSU Hires Translator for Coach O
Cry Wolf Satirical News (BATON ROGUE) In order to translate everything he says into English, Louisiana State University has hired an official translator for head football coach Ed Orgeron, university officials confirmed yesterday. “We are very excited to announce this news. This is long overdue,” LSU officials said. “An official Coach Translator will be an […]
[satire] CRY WOLF: Pampered SPS Students Can’t Believe They Only Have Two Day Weekend
Cry Wolf Satirical News Note: St. Paul’s School has had an unusual number of school days cancelled this school year due to an assortment of factors, such as hurricanes and school holidays. These days off have resulted in many extended weekends where students have Friday or Monday off. (COVINGTON, La.) According to multiple incredulous sources, […]
[satire] CRY WOLF: ‘Someone Else Will Pick Up That Trash’ Assume 900 Students
Cry Wolf Satirical News (COVINGTON, La.) Walking past various pieces of litter at the end of lunch Wednesday, all 900 plus students that comprise the St. Paul’s student body assumed that “someone else will pick that up.” According to multiple sources, 900 different St. Paul’s students all didn’t feel the need to pick up the […]
[satire] CRY WOLF: Watkins Institutes New 36 Block Schedule To Make Up For Missed School Days
Cry Wolf Satirical News (COVINGTON, La.) To make up for school days in which St. Paul’s School was closed due to events like Hurricane Gordon or the Christian Brothers 100th anniversary holiday, Principal Trevor Watkins has instituted a new 36 block schedule effective immediately. “Starting tomorrow and continuing until our school gets back on track, […]
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