Cry Wolf Satirical News

(COVINGTON, La) — A Covington dad wrecked his car last night after his 11-year-old son perilously turned on a back-seat interior light despite the fact that it was dark outside. The man, identified as 45-year-old Bob Salinger, was reportedly taking a leisurely nighttime drive down Lee Rd. with his family when his son turned on the light, immediately causing Salinger to lose control of the car and drive into a stop sign. No one was hurt in the crash.

“There I was just driving down the road, calm as a cucumber, and suddenly a blinding light assaulted my vision,” Salinger told reporters. “Next thing I know, my Buick’s kissing a stop sign.”

“This is exactly why I tell my kids never to turn on a light in the car when it’s night,” Salinger added. “It’s one of the most reckless and dangerous things you can do.”

According to sources, Salinger’s son, Jimmy Salinger, turned on the light so he could get a snack out of his bag, but before he could do so his father screamed, “My eyes!” and immediately swerved off the road and into the stop sign.

“I never understood why my Dad always got so mad when I’d use a light, even for just a few seconds,” said Jimmy, whom the Covington Police Department is investigating on charges of Negligent Operation of a Motor Vehicle. “But now I see that his anger was completely justified. I will never question his wisdom ever again,” he said.

The Data Association of Dad’s for Science, also known as DADS, have conducted numerous studies concerning the subject of turning on interior lights while driving at night, something they call “lighting and driving.”

“Our findings have indicated that a severe car accident is 500 times more likely when lighting and driving is involved,” DADS spokesperson Jerry Donaldson said. “Additionally, we have found that when a non-dad family member changes the temperature on the thermostat in the house by just a single degree, there is a 60 percent chance the entire family dies of exposure.”

At press time, Salinger was reportedly using a tool kit to manually remove all of the interior lights from his vehicle altogether.