BREAKING NEWS: BROTHER RAY TO STEP DOWN AS PRESIDENT

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Bro. Ray Bulliard, FSC, steps down.
(file photo)

(COVINGTON, La.) — Bro. Ray Bulliard, FSC, shocked the entire community of St. Paul’s School today, announcing that he will step down as president at the conclusion of the school year. Bulliard will be remembered for his genuine kindness, sincere devotion to his work, and his mastery of the five core principles. He claims that he will be stepping down due to the lack of State Literary Rally qualifiers.

“The Board of Trustees, which hires me, made it very clear that keeping my job depended upon SPS having at least 20 state rally qualifiers,” Bulliard said. “We only had 19.  Even though we had the highest percentage of state qualifiers of any area school, the Board wasn’t satisfied, so now the Trustees are looking for a new president who can ‘deliver the goods.’ If only those guys who didn’t show up for rally had attended, we might have reached 20.”

Bulliard took the news in stride.

“Oh, well,” Bulliard said. “I’ve had a great time as the 17th Christian Brother President of St. Paul’s School!”

Rumors are flurrying about who will replace Bulliard. While many may be quick to expect Principal Trevor Watkins to assume the role, many students remain unsure.

“Brother Ken (Boesch) would make a good replacement (for him),” junior Parker Layman said. “He knows what’s up.”

Senior Jack Dubreuil agrees with Layman’s sentiment.

“Although we’ll all be devastated to see Brother Ray leave, Brother Ken will definitely be as good of a replacement as we can hope for,” Dubreuil said. “You can tell by the firmness of his handshake that he has what it takes to run the school. He also has extensive experience in business administration — his self-titled brand of computer printers, Brother, has supplied St. Paul’s with free products since the late 1800s — and I trust him implicitly to keep us heading in the right financial direction.”

Senior Max Gold feels like another luminary in campus could take the spot: Public Relations Director, Karen Hebert.

“She always gets the job done when she takes pictures,” Gold says. “That same ability would transfer to the (president’s) office.”

George Cazenavette, another senior, thinks Spanish teacher William Nunez would make a “fiery” replacement.

“He’s always the first to know when the night is over,” Cazenavette said, “Señor would be ready for school before Mrs. Cullen even woke up.”

The Board of Trustees, led by the ghost of Connor Mahoney, will reach their conclusion on the 32nd of the month.

Short List2

Who will make the short list for replacing Bro. Ray? Speculative candidates include Bro. Ken Boesch, FSC, Public Relations Director Karen Hebert, Principal Trevor Watkins, and Spanish Teacher Señor Nunez. (file photos)

Even though Bro. Ray is not ACTUALLY stepping down, and this article was strictly written as an April Fools’ joke, it’s nice to know the school has various directions in which it could go, should Bro. Ray truly decide to step down, and that you cared enough to read to the very end.

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9 Comments on “BREAKING NEWS: BROTHER RAY TO STEP DOWN AS PRESIDENT”

  1. Jordan Kliebert
    April 1, 2015 at 1:34 pm #

    How can TRICK ME LIKE THAT CASEY haha April fools I knew the whole time.

    Like

  2. Charles Rowbatham
    April 1, 2015 at 2:41 pm #

    After reading the headline and first paragraph, I immediately scrolled to the END of the article to be certain it was truly an April fools joke, first !! –
    Then I read the rest of the article. Very good!! Love a good joke… and Brother Ray !

    Like

  3. slewis
    April 1, 2015 at 5:00 pm #

    Good one, but I still liked 2014 when you stated GIRLS from SSA were coming to campus.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Jimmy Brinkman
    April 1, 2015 at 7:42 pm #

    I truly believed this at first and freaked out! … As I read on I knew something was fishy… then I saw computer printer brand since late 1800s…. the jig was up!!! You got me…

    Like

  5. Johnny
    April 1, 2015 at 11:48 pm #

    I thought this real for a second, then I realized what day it was before reading at the bottom that it was fake. Oh well I hope BroPepsi gets elected on the 32nd of April.

    Like

  6. Bev
    April 2, 2015 at 3:55 pm #

    Not funny. I read the article today and was very upset. I retread it again and the wording did not reflex Brother Ray’s speech. “Deliver the goods “. No he would have quoted another scholar and used voc words we need the dictionary to define. I cannot see St. Paul without him.

    Like

    • Casey Fitzmaurice
      April 2, 2015 at 3:58 pm #

      I can assure you that Brother Ray was directly quoted and that he was in on the joke. We cleared the article with him multiple times as well as giving him a final review of the completed article before publishing. None of the quotes were fabricated.

      Like

    • The Paper Wolf
      April 2, 2015 at 4:09 pm #

      We agree, Bev! We cannot see SPS without Bro. Ray either. Good catch on the language usage! Casey purposely wrote it using language that would not sound like Bro. Ray. You should also know that Bro. Ray was in on the joke. He approved it before it went out. Mrs. Hebert had a good laugh when she read it, too.

      Like

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