Cry Wolf satirical news.
(COVINGTON, La.) — A student was reportedly ostracized by his entire class after bringing their teacher back on topic with a pertinent question on Friday. Sources say the class had been basking in the serenity of discussing literally anything but the class material for about 10 minutes before it happened.
“It was so nice,” Jack Arbor, a student in the class, said. “We were nowhere near the topic of analytical functions, which is what we were supposed to be learning.”
The class was reportedly using teamwork to ensure their teacher stayed off topic, tactically bombarding her with pointless questions and meaningless anecdotes.
“She was talking about analytical functions, and someone goes ‘Why do they even call it a function?,’ and next thing you know, we’re debating what Leonardo Dicaprio’s best ever performance is,” Arbor said. “It was really something special.”
“At one point, we got her talking about moon landing conspiracy theories,” Arbor said. “You know how many calculated, irrelevant questions we had to ask to get to the subject of moon landing conspiracy theories?”
It was then around 10:30 a.m. when Peter Galley raised his hand and proceeded to ruin everything his class worked so hard to achieve.
“He asked her a question about the lesson,” Arbor said. “From then on it was over.”
The question from Galley caused the teacher to look at the clock, exclaim, “I had no idea we wasted so much time!” and then immediately dive back into the lesson.
“I couldn’t believe what had happened,” Mason Weller, another student in the class, said. “It just didn’t seem real. Just like that, we had to actually do school stuff.”
In a desperate attempt to derail her back off topic, Weller frantically asked the teacher if she had heard Beyonce was having twins.
“But there was no use,” Weller said. “She was locked in. We had to accept we were going to have to actually learn.”
Galley’s fellow classmates reportedly felt betrayed by his “deplorable and treacherous actions.”
“I’ve known this guy for 12 years,” said Galley’s former best friend, Danny Stewart. “I never knew he was capable of something like this.”
“You always hear of things like this happening,” Weller said, “but you never think it’ll happen to your class.”
Galley’s classmates shunned him without hesitation, only referring to him as “The Betrayer.”
When asked if he thought maybe the whole “shunning for life” thing was a bit too far, Arbor said:
“Absolutely not. This is one of the most heinous classroom acts one can commit. It’s right up there with reminding the teacher to check homework.”
At press time, the social pariah Galley was seen eating his lunch in a bathroom stall, as word of his traitorous deed had quickly spread around campus.