CRY WOLF: St. Paul’s Student Uses Ladder to Get Out of Lifted Truck [satire]

Cry Wolf Satirical News.

(COVINGTON, La.) A St. Paul’s student used a ladder to get out of his lifted truck this morning, according to extremely impressed sources. The student, senior Chad Sweatshirt, was seen utilizing a large extension ladder to climb down from the driver’s side door of his truck, a 2029 Chevrolet Annihilator.   

“Safety first,” Sweatshirt reportedly said before setting the 12 foot ladder against his truck’s running board and starting the long descent to the concrete of the Senior Parking Lot below.

Witnesses were confused, but ultimately impressed by Sweatshirt’s actions.

“So he has to take that ladder out every time he wants to get in or out of his truck?” freshman Caleb Fakename said. “Honestly, that’s like, really cool.”

Sweatshirt says he finally decided to start using the ladder after he had a major accident in November 2016.

IMG_1178

Sweatshirt’s 2029 Chevy Annihilator, AKA “Jeanine,” sits in the Senior Parking Lot with the ladder leaning against its running board. (image: Hyde Healy)

“I was trying to climb down from my car, and I accidentally fell,” Sweatshirt said. “The impact from that great of a height broke both my legs and my right arm. Honestly, I’m lucky to be alive.”

Sweatshirt’s Annihilator, which he has nicknamed “Jeanine,” is reportedly equipped with 47-inch chrome rims, a nitrous oxide system, five exhaust pipes, a mounted machine gun, the ability to transform into a speedboat at the push of a button, a horn that makes the sound of rapper Lil Wayne shouting “Weezy Baby,” and cup holders.

Sweatshirt says the pros of having such a large truck vastly outweigh the cons.

“Sure Jeanine costs a lot and gets two miles to the gallon, and she can only fit in five parking spots on the entire Northshore, but she looks really cool,” Sweatshirt said.

At press time, Sweatshirt was spotted getting gas while on his way home from getting gas.

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