Cry Wolf: Firework Stand Employee Seems Like Last Person to Trust with Tent of Explosives

Cry Wolf satirical news.
A typical firework stand: where the most unstable of explosives are looked after by the most unstable of people. (Photo: Twitter – @estedelga)

(COVINGTON, La.) — Local woman Susan Watemen noted Thursday how the man working at her local firework stand seemed like the last person you’d trust with a tent full of explosives. Pointing out his missing teeth and “Death to All” neck tattoo, Watemen expressed bewilderment that anyone would deem the worker fit to have unfettered access to an entire tent of bombs and other kinds of dangerous explosives.

“I think someone really dropped the ball here,” Watemen said, adding that the man’s facial scars and creepy, intense stare definitely raised some red flags.

“I mean, I didn’t expect a doctor or a priest or anything, but this is seriously who someone completely entrusted with over fifteen tons of rocket bombs and mortars?” Watemen said. “Was there any sort of screening process at all?”

Watemen’s concerns were heightened when the employee pointed to one artillery shell and proudly said there was enough gun powder in it to “end a small dog.”

“I don’t wanna think about how he knows that,” Watemen said.

Other customers seemed to share Watemen’s concerns.

“I don’t think I would trust this guy to make a sandwich,” resident Dan Reemer said, adding that the fact that the man only had one shoe on was not comforting. “How someone thought would it be a good idea to leave him unsupervised with boxes upon boxes of fire bombs is beyond me.”

The employee reportedly displayed other strange behavior.

“At one point, he just disappeared. And then he showed up five minutes later soaking wet,” Reemer said. “I didn’t know why he was soaking wet, and I sure as heck wasn’t about to ask.”

At press time, the employee was spotted shooting roman candles at stray cats in the parking lot.


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